Short Stories told by Cruise Ship Bartender

Nov 13, 2019

We all have great bar stories to tell, witnessing awkward moments with our friends, but all of our stories probably don't compare to the ones bartenders could tell. Here are some of the stories told by a cruise ship bartender.

The Seagull and the Hotdog 

Working as Bartender in the Pool Bar on embarkation day in Venice. Lunch is getting busy as guests are waiting for their suites to be ready. Over head seagulls are hovering. There is an act of sabotage waiting to happen. A gentleman receives a hotdog from the waiter. Nice juicy sausage in a toasted bun, with ketchup, mustard and fried onions with a side of fries. There is a lull in bar service, everyone has drinks and I’m just tidying up the bar. I notice that there is a larger than life seagull on the deck above scoping out the situation on the deck below. His head cocks to one side as he looks on at a hotdog being served. You could literally see the seagull drooling at the sight of such a feast. The poor unsuspecting victim drops his knife and tries to get the waiter's attention, unsuccessful in this attempt he gets up from table and looks for another knife. One deck above the seagull grabs his chance. He swoops down and lands gracefully on the table. Scoops the sausage in his beak and begins violently shaking his head to release the sausage from the bun. Mustard, ketchup, fried onions and fries are being ruthlessly sprayed around the table. The seagull finally has a good grip of the sausage and takes off to enjoy his catch of the day. The guest comes back to the table flabbergasted at the sight of the massacre of his former hotdog. Only the remains of the bun is left on the plate.

The Irish Car Bomb Cocktail

A couple from Puerto Rico enters the bar I was working and sit at the bar counter. It’s around 9:45 pm and not too busy yet. The guy is a – 4 in terms of looks. He looks like a small tanned leprechaun who would have to pay for 2 seats on an airplane. The wife on the other hand, she is a +12 out of 10, hot, sexy, curves, eyes, legs, lips she has the whole package. So I end up talking with them. We chat for 2 hours, mostly the Latino leprechaun is doing all the talking while Mamacita is sipping on her vodka soda. So the conversation turns to me and the usual crap a guest asks. 

  • “Amigo, where you from? “
  • “Ireland”
  • “Give me and my wife something Irish”

I was thinking aye, I will give you something Irish. Anyway, it’s late and it’s only the 2 of them so I tell them about the drink the Irish Car Bomb. Why is it called this I can hear you say, because it blows the head off you! It consists of a pint glass half-filled with Guinness, with a shooter glass of Jameson/Baileys on the side. You then drop the shooter glass of Jameson/Baileys into the half-filled glass of Guinness and then drink in one go. After explaining this the guy agrees and also the wife. Surprised, I prepare the 2 drinks and watch them drink it. Uno mas says the little guy, I look at the wife and she nods. Okay….. I prepare 2 more, they drink and he says again Uno mas. Again I look at the wife and she nods. Astonished I do the exact same drink another 2 times for both him and the wife. That’s 4 Irish Car Bombs they had…. Each! Not even Irish people do that many. Both of them stumble out of the bar, the wife walks straight into the glass door and they disappear in the elevator. The next day the small guy walks up to me shakes my hand, hands me $100 and whispers in my ear…. “I got laid last night”

Uno Mas!

Chinese Chopsticks

There was a time I was Head Bartender and a new Bar Waiter just joined the team. He was from South Korea. Let’s call him Han Solo as his real names kind of looks and sounds like this. This guy was a character, very shy, useless but will do whatever you tell him. So one day he seems upset and approaches me. I ask what’s up and he said he got big problem, he can’t use a knife and fork only chopsticks! I said I will see what I can do while at the same time biting my lip trying not to laugh. Off I go to the Dining Room and explained to Restaurant Manager the situation. He laughed too but gave me a box of chopsticks. I gave the box to Han Solo and he was very happy and started bowing to me over-excited. I was happy too that I made someone’s life on board a little more bearable. After a couple of days, I see Mr. Han Solo and enquire about his chopsticks. He informs me they are no good, they are Chinese chopsticks, not Japanese chopsticks. He goes on to explain the difference while at the same time I’m thinking you ungrateful c…

Friend’s and colleges on-board are the best part. These were some of the best moments in that contract, moments that created friendships, moments that created memories, moments that also created drunken messes. I will never forget the hangovers or the conversations that were held.

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