Cruise ship funny stories is collection of short stories told by crew members working in different departments on cruise ship. This are everyday unusual stories told by crew members and their interaction with guest on cruise ship holiday.

I was on phone duty on cruise ship when this lady called with the strangest question "what will the wind speed be at 3pm?" Obviously i politely explained that its impossible to give an accurate answer since we're on a moving vessel, wind speed changes etc etc. She seemed to understand but then asked "what about at 8pm?"

Lido restaurant. Guest approaches me very carefully. i could see that he thinks i don`t speak english, and asks me: "Do...you..speeeeeak.. ennnnnglish??." 

I look at him and tell on pure English:"I`m sorry Sir, i speak German only"

Guest: "OMG???? I didn`t know that German is sooooo similar to english". I just turned around when to crew breaking room and laughed like an idiot...

looking at me the guest asks me" ar yu maxwell fr sure"? and i replied her" yes mem"

and still looking at my name tag she say therez no way yu can have a name maxwell and yu ar frm Africa !! calmly i asked her name and she was Cynthia then nicely i told her my first girlfriend at high school was Cynthia and she was so dull and i continued dealing my cards hahahaha

Guest: mam do this stairs take me up and down? Me: No ma'm, once you go up the stairs we call 4 of our philippino colleagues and they bring the stairs away. Guest:aham, and how do I get down then uf I want to come back here????

Drunk guest: give me a discount... me: no sir sorry that’s the price... guest: i see you are from peru give me a discount my girlfriend is from Peru.... Me: really from where.... guest : ehmm ummm oh yeah she lives in macchu picchu (an ancient stone city) . .......yeah right and my girlfriend is from Egypt she lives in the pyramids

My first contract on cruise ship I worked in staff mess around 1 week and then they put me in the dining room. Of course everyone are confused first time, me too, especial when you realize that there are people who has different accent then yours, I mean your coworker. I had problem with that at the beginning to learn how to listen their speech. So my headwaiter Christopher Filipino was asking pork from me.I run to the galley to bring him pork(meal) cuz that’s what he was asking right?Noooo,,,,where have you been?I brought pork to you I said. I was asking por pork he repeat. Yes here is pork.No,not pork,,,pork I need. Ok just show me what you want,cuz obviously I'm stupid. He point me to silver fork.So why dont you just say man?I was thinking later was I really stupid or what just happen,, unsure emoticon He couldn’t say cuz he never used letter F in his speech. Ok sorry filipino guys for this,love ya all.