A Crew Center follower has shared an emotional letter about the uncertainty of waiting for another contract with MSC Cruises. The crew member says it has been a year and a half since their last contract, despite being ready to return to work and hoping to continue a career with a company they still consider home. We are sharing the letter in full below, as it reflects a difficult reality many seafarers can relate to: waiting for an assignment without knowing when, or if, the next opportunity will come.

Letter from the crew member:

There are moments when you just need to stop pretending that everything is okay and finally say what you’ve been carrying inside.

It has been a year and a half since the last time I received a contract with MSC Cruises. And honestly, I don’t know how to put into words how difficult this waiting has been.

I have always been loyal to MSC. Every time I stepped onboard, I gave my best. I gave my energy, passion, time, and everything I had because this job is not just a job to me. This is my bread and butter. My family depends on me.

What hurts the most is not knowing what went wrong.

I constantly ask myself, “Did I do something wrong? Was I not good enough? Was there something I could have done better? Why am I still waiting?” While I see other people receiving their assignments and contracts, I am still here, waiting and wondering when my turn will come.

And after a year and a half, that uncertainty has become incredibly difficult to carry. Some people may tell me, “Try another company. Move on. Look for another opportunity.” I understand why they say that, and I know they mean well. But for me, it is not that easy.

MSC has been more than just a company. It became a home. It was the company that gave me hope. It was the company that saw my potential, believed in my abilities, and gave me opportunities to grow both personally and professionally. It gave me experiences that shaped who I am today.

That is why, despite everything, I still want to be there.

I am not writing this to complain or to ask for sympathy. I am sharing this because I need to let it out. I need to be honest about what I have been feeling because keeping everything inside has already started to affect me personally and emotionally. There are days when I question myself. There are nights when I overthink and ask what went wrong. I wonder if I am still remembered, if I am still valued, or if I have somehow been left behind.

The hardest part is that I am ready. My documents are ready. I am ready to work. I am ready to give my best again. I have been waiting, hoping, and believing that somehow, I will receive that call or email telling me that it is finally my turn to go back.

Because this is not only about me. My family depends on me. This is my livelihood, my responsibility, and the way I help provide for the people who believe in me. I know I could look for another company, but leaving MSC is not something I can simply decide overnight. There is history there. There is loyalty. There is gratitude. There is a part of me that still believes in the company that once believed in me.

I just wish I knew what happened. I wish I knew why it has taken this long. And most of all, I wish I could stop questioning my own worth because of something that is beyond my control.

Maybe some people will not understand why I continue to wait. But I hope they understand that sometimes, you hold on not because you have no other choices, but because you still believe in the place that gave you hope. I am tired of waiting. I am frustrated. I am scared. I am hurting.

But despite all of that, I am still hoping. Hoping for another opportunity. Hoping for another contract. Hoping to wear that uniform again. Hoping to return to the place I have considered home for so long.

This is me finally saying what I have been afraid to say. I am struggling. I am breaking down. But I am still here, still ready, and still hoping that one day, MSC will give me the chance to come home.